Once a FAILURE is always a FAILURE

I am such a failure and I want to commit suicide! I guess I was putting too much pressure on myself! Life has been so hectic these days. Yeahhh, I am sitting for STPM this year! This is NO JOKE! And there are no second chances for STPM! Sometimes, I just feel like giving up now! I just don't know why, I feel like screwing STPM, I won't get good marks for it. You know what, my prediction is always true! I shall prove myself wrong that I am not a failure, but I just can't do it! I will admit it, I have been slacking so much! Maybe Mong was just correct, I am an irresponsible child. :(


I can't do anything! I can't study! I am not good enough! My parents just want the best for me. All  my parents want is just a good result! Actually, study is quite easy compared to working and earning money. That's all, and I can't even give it to them! I have nothing to give! What a FAILURE! It's NOT "a failure" but FAILURE! I feel guilty for them to have such a kid! I am already 19 and I can't even think like how a 19 years old girl did. I mean I still can't think maturely, I was plain worried! sigh~~ :(


Honestly, if I were them, I would be so embarrassed to have such an irresponsible child. I know it's way too early to give up no but I am just afraid I can't make it! I just can't think positively because I am afraid, I am only going to give myself a false hope! I know that I am setting myself up for being hurt to some degree if I keep feeding myself with false hope. Giving more false hope can be a burden also. I am already tensing up. :(


I felt unhappy and down quite a lot of time these days. A lot of unhappy things happened recently. I just don't like my current life in ACS now! I seriously don't know what is wrong with some people there? Yeah yeah yeah, they were right, I am good in bitching and flirting around with guys. You know what, I am a FLIRT! I flirt with a lot of guys and YEAH, I AM FLIRTING ALL THE TIME!


Post Script : I AM SO STRESSED OUT!